sompthings not right

I have not been feeling quite right for a few days. I don't know what it is, but my chests feels like Tea is standing on it and I am hit with unexplainable fatigue at about 5 in the afternoon. Yesterday it was pretty bad and I was afraid it was pneumonia again (no no no don't want to do that over), but I realised I was missing the key symptom of fever, so I resisted the urge to let the fear become the sickness, and decided a bit of rest and good eats should get me over whatever it is.

In other areas of life, things are just a bit off and I can't put my finger on exactly what it is. That makes it really hard to do anything about it. In our little church, something seems to be lacking or changed or not done with the same intensity or focus. I talked to someone recently who had the same feeling about their work. Last night I watched an episode of "House" while waiting for Dean to get home and as always, the doctors were confronted with a mystifying case - unrelated symptoms and no idea what was really going on. One doctor said it was most likely cancer so they radiated the woman. Shortly after that she developed further symptoms which made it clear she was fighting a bizarre infection and by giving her radiation treatment, they had wiped out her immune system which she needed to fight off the infection and in the end, she died (sorry about that depressing story, but there is a point). They were so desparate to do something that they did the wrong thing and harmed her instead of helping her. Now I love medicine and doctors and wonder drugs and all the rest, but they only help the body with the healing process - they cannot be the healing. God designed the body to heal itself and if we can just get the obstacles out of the way that are stopping it from doing just that, the healing will come.

When you don't quite know what's going on, I think the best thing to do is ask God and wait. Nobody likes waiting. We would rather be flailing our efforts about and doing something, even the wrong thing, rather than waiting for the situation to clarify or God to intervene. But our good intentions (or shall I call them guesses?) can wipe out the very thing God is bringing about to rectify the situation. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait on the Lord.

This wonderful dog was caught enjoying the water on the quay at Ste-Anne's last summer. Andy, Emma and Dean's feet stand watch.

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Names of God

The Hebrew word "YHWH" (read from right to left) This past Sunday I gave a talk on the Names of God, the beginning of a series on this topic. This first talk was to be a gentle introduction so I thought it wouldn't take too many hours of preparation. Well, I quickly discovered that the research is almost bottomless; every time I thought I had a somewhat definitive list of names, I found another source which added a few more or gave a different twist on some of the names I had already come across. After several hours I was getting overwhelmed by the sheer amount of data (and that was only looking at the Hebrew Bible). I wondered how I could present this to people in an orderly and accessible fashion and within a reasonable time frame. Not everyone is up for a 3-hour lecture crammed full of detail on a Sunday morning. So I took a break and spent a bit of time meditating on this problem and asking the Spirit for guidance. And then I thought that being overwhelmed by Go...

soul refrigerator

I went grocery shopping yesterday and came home with three bags of food. After I unpacked them all, this is what my fridge looked like: really empty. How does that happen? How can I feel so full and ready for any food emergency one moment, and after one quick glance, realise that I have nothing, really? Today is one of those days in my soul as well. I woke up with gratitude and fullness in my heart, ready to take on this day and all the wonderful opportunities that it presented. Then I caught a brief glance of some emptiness in my life and bam - my buoyancy was compromised. For the past few hours I have been treading water, trying to keep my head in a positive space, bobbing in and out of disappointment, and catching myself whining with pathetic indignity at the cement blocks of other people's stupidity that are tangled around my ankles. When I am staring at the empty refrigerator of my soul, these are my thoughts. Where do I go from here? Perhaps I should slam that refrigerator ...

3 blog time stealers

Things have a been a bit slow in my blog-world lately because my usual schedule has been disrupted by wonderful but time-consuming events. ONE: I opened my first exhibit of photos this week. It is kind of a strange sensation to see ones art displayed in a public setting and have people study it up close and offer their comments. I have been pleasantly surprised by the reaction of all and am always amazed by the wonderful support of the folks in our church group and my friends from all walks of life. One of them even compared the dilapidated old stone church basement with fluorescent lighting where the exhibit is being held to the humble beginnings of some famous artist whose name I can't remember right now. I like the concept of humble beginnings because it is something Jesus loves as well. And beauty shows well in humble beginnings. TWO: I have been helping a far-off friend search for an apartment in Montreal. She emails me the details of a place she is interested in and I go sc...

outWORD by Matte Downey

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