outWORD by Matte Downey

I just finished my last exam this morning. Well, let me qualify that: my last exam which completed my qualifying year for the MA in Theological Studies program. Beginning in September, I will be a full-fledged Masters student. I also have one final project to complete for my online worship course (stay tuned, it should be posted here in a few days) and then...I don't know. Perhaps I will read a book or go outside for a walk or do something crazy like watch television. Anything could happen. This in-between time, when one thing is coming to a close and new things are on the horizon is exciting and fragile. Like the green sprouts outside my front door, this transition phase needs careful tending in order to grow into something big and strong and beautiful. I am still learning to do this well. Too often I start something and then neglect it when I get distracted or busy. Or I jump ahead in the game and try to use a skill before I have taken the time to really learn the basics well. S...

Things are starting to turn green. There is still a lot of brown going on, but the green is definitely on the increase. There is transition in the air, in the plants, in the soil, in the crazy spring-feverish cats, in our lives and in the lives of a lot of my friends. Sometimes I feel a deep longing in my soul, a craving for more of something, but what that something is, I cannot tell. I felt it again last week. I have mistaken this sensation for loneliness, for hunger, for fatigue, for failure, and many times for emotional instability. But it is none of those, at least not primarily. At the core of my personality is this insatiable desire to experience life in a deep and profound manner, in spirit and soul and body. When I see all of nature straining towards rebirth as it does every spring, it awakens my own longings. There must be more to this life than what I am doing at the present time. My relationships must go deeper or become broader or both. I must give myself more fully...

I climbed a fence yesterday, trespassing onto an old lady's yard (she wasn't home, we checked) in order to retrieve the bottle of Perrier I had knocked off a friend's balcony. All went well until I caught the sleeve of my favourite black t-shirt on a pole climbing back into the alley. Riiiiipppppp ! Oh well. Perhaps it would have been easier to just go out and buy another bottle? Oh, to have the wisdom to know when to spend my energy on rescue efforts and when to move on to something new. We are in the midst of negotiating a private sale on our house in which we will not make any money, but be able to walk away immediately. Part of me is saying, "Hey, I thought God wanted us to stay here and restore this house." The other part is saying, "The important thing right now is to move downtown in order to build community and invest in others." I don't know exactly what God is doing here, but I am willing to let go of my perfect scenario in which we sell th...