outWORD by Matte Downey

Image from evenlodesfriend.com This afternoon I listened in on a webinar on soul care put on by the Vineyard Church in Canada. One man told his story of how he burnt out as a pastor. After months of struggling, he finally quit and it took him four years before he was able to dream again. He identified some of the problems: the inability to admit we are weak, never giving out of abundance but living paycheck to paycheck (spiritually and emotionally), the pressure to succeed and do well, the fear of failure, and the desire to have people look up to us. I have struggled with most of these in my role as a teacher and pastor. The pressure to perform and do well are constant. I even feel it on this blog. I should be putting up posts weekly (at least) and addressing current, trending topics in order to get my readership up. But some weeks I have nothing to give, and that's okay. I have spent most of May trying to get my bounce back. The euphoria that followed the successful defense ...

Image from secondlook2nd.blogspot.com It has been great to be back in the classroom this fall after months of sitting alone at my desk and writing, drinking vast amounts of tea, and trying not to pull my hair out. This term I get to serve as a Teaching Assistant for Introduction to Theology. I love being in a supportive role for both students and the professor, but it was a bit of a rough start. I remember coming to the first class in early September and for the first time in my life (as long as I can remember), not being super excited about the beginning of the school year. I didn't even take the traditional first day of school photo. I was just tired, fatigued by the ongoing demand for high level, innovative, scholarly output and the exceptional dedication required by the multitude of tasks on my schedule. I was depleted by a summer spent wringing words onto the page day after day without any real break. I felt the constant, weighty pressure of finishing my doctoral dissert...

Image from wallpaperscraft.com We didn't take a winter vacation this year and I can tell. There is an underlying, low level of fatigue that I just can't seem to get rid of. Most of our vacation days this year will be spent attending events: a wedding, a family celebration, and next week we will be going to a church conference. All good things, indeed, but they end up not being all that restful for me. I have been trying to figure out this "rest" thing in the past few months and yesterday while I was on the subway going to the beach (to get some rest), I read something that made me realize that rest is not an event, either. Rest is not a day at the beach. Rest is not a week at a resort. Rest is not a weekend at the cottage. Rest is not something I can simply schedule in and then - BAM - it is done! Going on vacation or taking a day off is great, but it may or may not be restful. It may end up just being another event. So how do I enter into rest? Essentially, r...