outWORD by Matte Downey

Eucharist celebration the last day of the meetings This past week Dean and I and a few others from Montreal drove to Cambridge, Ontario for 4 days of leadership meetings. We gathered together with folks from all across Canada representing different Vineyard churches and national Vineyard initiatives. Let's get the complaints out of the way first. Well, there is really only one: the Cheetos only appeared on the snack table on day 3. Where were they on days 1 and 2, I ask? Despite this minor setback, I have to say that the gathering, which was a pilot for future get-togethers under the moniker, Metanoia (re-think), lived up to its name. I know others will have different perspectives, but here are some of the treasures I brought away with me. Re-think how we connect:  We didn't spend a lot of time listening to professional talkers or the big cheese(s), but to each other. We heard each other's stories, dreams, failings, hurts, disappointments, and hopes. We laughed toget...

Image from memecenter.com Life is sometimes awkward. It just is. There is physical awkwardness when our body seems to lack balance, grace, harmony, or skill. We find ourselves in positions which feel uncomfortable and we'd rather not stay that way for too long. I have awkwardly tripped and had a large wooden speaker fall on top of me. I have tried to open a door with my arms full and done some awkward contortions just to keep that bulky box tucked under my arm. Then there is social awkwardness which adds the element of other people seeing our lack of grace. We feel awkward singing or dancing in front of people because for most of us, it is very much a work in progress (or so we hope). Or maybe we are at a wedding dressed in jeans and a t-shirt when everyone else is in their finest clothes (the airline lost my luggage) making us very aware of the lingering looks people are giving us and the assumptions they are making about our lack of propriety. We can be standing by ourselves ...

Image from http://oisedeansconference.wordpress.com/ Last week Dean and I (along with a bunch of others from Montreal) went to the Vineyard National Celebration, a gathering of Vineyard churches from all across Canada. This big family party only takes place every four years and this time it was in Kitchener. It was a blast! We saw people we have not seen in years, made new friends, ate together, talked, prayed, worshiped God together, and even slept a bit here and there. Lots of cool things happened but one of the most significant take-aways for me had to do with leadership. Cheryl Bear, an award-winning recording artist, singer, songwriter, and storyteller who comes from the NadlehWhut'en First Nation in British Columbia (that's what her website says), spoke to the large gathering one night. She and her husband have been making their way across North America with the goal of visiting all the First Nations communities; so far they have visited about 600 out of 1000. Let m...

Images from Life magazine Dean and I have been taking swing dance lessons for a few years now. I must admit that I have a love/hate relationship with dancing. I like the physical activity, I like learning the moves, I like hanging out with Dean and meeting interesting people, and I love watching skilled people dance. Here are the parts I am not so fond of. First, taking dance lessons means dancing with a different person every 5 minutes or so; this is a bit socially awkward for an introvert, but I can deal with it. The second and biggest downside for me is that much of the time I feel like I just don't know what I am doing. Very often the leader I am dancing with will start a move or give me a signal and I will miss it. I won't know what to do next and I end up at odds with him, out of sync or facing the wrong direction. Honestly, much of the time I feel like a bad follower. This particular session our teachers focused on showing us how to be better followers. An exercise...

Book Review: 58 to 0: How Christ Leads Through the One Anothers . Jon Zens and Graham Wood, editors. Ekklesia Press, 2013. 202 pages. (ebook version used for review) John Zens and Graham Wood have collected an eclectic mix of 27 articles on leadership within the church, 12 of them bearing Zens' name. The basic premise is that the emphasis in the New Testament is on body life (one another's) and not on hierarchical leadership. So how has the church wandered so far from this? Zens (and others) takes issue with the solo pastor model, suggesting that there is no analog for this in scripture. What has happened, Zens suggests, is that for much of its history, the church has merely reflected the leadership models of society (business and government) instead of the ministry of service as exemplified by Jesus and confirmed in the early church. Many of the authors also suggest that this tendency towards authoritarian leadership has diverted attention away from the Church's one tr...

I have been giving a series of talks on "Jesus and the Other" in our church gatherings.  You can read the introduction  here  and some thoughts on Jesus and sexuality  here .  This past Sunday I tackled the subject of Jesus and political power.  Basically, politics is "the art or science of government or governing, especially the governing of a political entity, such as a nation, and the administration and control of its internal and external affairs." To cite a shorter definition, it is "the use of strategy or intrigue in obtaining power, control, or status."[1] And this is what we usually associate with politics (many times in a negative way): power, control, and status.  However, when we look at governance in the kingdom of God as exemplified by the leadership of Jesus, we get quite a different picture. Ontario's Provincial Parliament buildings in Toronto In the pivotal scene of Jesus' baptism, we see him beginning his public ministry from...

Flying out of Winnipeg last night.  Really, it was that bright! I returned last night from a national gathering of leaders from Vineyard churches across Canada.  It was a jam-packed weekend and I think I did more talking and interacting than I probably will for the rest of the year (that's the introvert talking).  Though I am a bit tired, I know it was a moving and inspiring weekend.  There was lots of good stuff that happened.  It will take a bit of time to process, but I wrote some brief thoughts on it over at the Vineyard thoughtworks blog.  You can read about my exotic weekend away in Pinawa, Manitoba  here .

I usually try to write something here on Fridays, but this past week I had houseguests and it was my pleasure to spend Friday at the beach with them instead of pecking away at my computer.  Thus, the Monday blog instead of the Friday blog.  One of the television shows I have watched a few times this summer is Dogs in the City .  The idea is that a dog trainer named Justin roams around New York city offering his help to dog owners who are having problems with their canines.  There are interesting cases like the blind dog, the pampered dog in a pink dress, the barking dog who can't get adopted from a shelter, and lots of aggressive and socially challenged animals.  What I find most fascinating is seeing the dog trainer use a bit of magic and voila!  The dog is changed!  Okay, it's not really magic and the dog doesn't really change as much as become a better version of him or h...

I didn't get around to blogging on Friday because I was in Halifax at a conference.  Lots of good things happened there, and two of the best things were seeing Dean again after his 8 days away in Memphis on business and getting a chance to connect with friends old and new.  And I got to drive around in a Nissan Pathfinder. It worked!  I found my path from the conference to the hotel, no problem! The talks given in the leadership meetings we had before the general conference were from people who have been leading for a long time.  They offered some of their lessons learned.  Let me share a few of the ones I that I thought were really important for me to remember as a leader, a student, a teacher, a person in community, and a follower of Jesus. Ed Piorek talked about how we as leaders can operate out of a core insecurity.  This insecurity can manifest itself in competition. In the context of pastors, i...

Today, I finally got to some ironing that had been too long neglected: 12 shirts and 3 pairs of pants. I don't think there was much left to wear in the closet, actually. It seems like I am perpetually behind these days. I am a week and a half behind in the schedule I have set for my reading course in order to finish it in a timely manner. I am always trying to play catch-up in household cleaning, buying groceries, and personal writing. I don't even want to imagine what Christmas preparations will do to an already packed month ahead. This week I began to think about my education. In order to be all that I can be, I should be submitting articles, presenting at conferences, and applying for awards, but frankly, I just don't have the energy. I know I have missed opportunities for funding and deadlines for submitting papers for important conferences. That's what happens when I am trying to live a joyful, creative, and peaceful life while being a full-time student, a teacher...

I helped two people move this week. Well, "help" is a rather strong word. I showed up for a few hours and did some small tasks. I carried boxes, rearranged things to make room for more stuff, and tried to be encouraging and calming. It seemed like very little. I am used to carrying more of the load, I guess, but here's the thing: you can pay someone to move your stuff for you, but you can't pay someone to be your friend. And I guess I am learning that I don't have to exert a lot of sweat and expend great amounts of effort to be someone's friend or help them out. I just have to show up on a consistent basis, be there at crucial moments, and then stand, walk, sit, listen, cry, eat, or laugh with them. I finished reading Good to Great by Jim Collins this week. He said many things that got me thinking. And I believe that I have a lot more clarity regarding how to move forward with certain situations in my life, especially groups that I am involved in. Here are a ...

I threw out something today that was past the expiration date. The year 2007 was printed on the back of the bottle, and I figured it was time. Probably way past time. I don't know why I hold onto things that are no longer useful. It seems wasteful, I guess. But whether or not it is wasteful is not always the best deciding factor. I said something yesterday that I regret. It was posed as a question, and on some level I guess I was asking for information, asking to understand, but the question was pretty loaded. It was skewed to carry the following message: "What's your problem? Why don't you get it together? I've figured this out, why can't you?" I didn't even realise how arrogant my attitude was until it was pointed out to me (those are real friends for you). It turns out that there are other ways to see a situation, to accomplish a task, than my way. There are people with completely different sets of skills from what I have, and I can be somewhat blin...

Some people wonder why I still have a cat. Jazz in particular. She has a reputation of not-so-nice behaviour. She attacks people, she tries to intimidate and dominate, she can be anti-social, she often tries to escape, and she is always ready for a fight. Plus, she has allergies and bad eyesight. Frankly, I don't think anyone else would have her. She is not a pet for the faint of heart. And that's one of the reasons I like having her around: she demands a courageous master. Since I was a young girl growing up on the farm, I have always had a great affection for cats. Yes, I was the cat whisperer. I could tame the wildest feline with patience, love, and consistency. I learned how to read them by spending hours watching them and playing with them. I received a lot of scratches in the process, but I also gained a lot of insight. Every life situation is a learning situation, and those things we are particularly fond of can touch us and teach us in particularly significant and profo...

What character are you in the parable of the prodigal son (read it in Luke 15)? I have never really been the "bad boy" who runs away squandering an inheritance and breaking the old man's heart. I will admit that I have been known to whine and complain about always being the faithful and dependable one and never getting a party, but I'm getting over that. However, these past few weeks I have been thinking about the story in a different way. God has been asking me if I would like to play the role of the father. This means that as a friend and as a spiritual leader, I have to let people walk away if they want to. This means that I have to be willing to give my riches (the things I have worked hard to build in my life) to certain people even though I know they will probably not value them. This means that I spend a lot of time waiting for people to realise they are making bad decisions without pointing it out to them. This means that I don't go chasing people down to ...

Control freak confession #17: Lately I am realising that my style of leadership/friendship is sometimes too heavy-handed. I see things, I know things, I have some life experience and wisdom, of that there is no doubt. But does that give me the right or responsibility to try to steer other people's lives? I am beginning to think not. Trying to actively guide others has felt like the responsible and loving thing to do, but in truth, it primarily satisfies my sense of well-being when we are all going the same direction (MINE) and involved in the same things (WHAT I THINK IS IMPORTANT) and helps me feel successful. God is just not that one-dimensional nor that boring. Unity is not stuffing all the working parts into the same box and dragging them behind me. It is much more beautiful and strange than that. Control is like my hand grabbing onto someone or something that I love, trying to keep them or it in line with my idea of godliness, and today I feel God prying my fingers off, one a...

I am a thinker. I like to sit in the quiet and contemplate. This is where I come up with ideas for just about everything I do in life including the writing and the talks that I give. This is how I find the energy and insight to walk with people in a creative and hopefully helpful way. Most of all, this is where I am able to make some sense of my life and find some direction for daily decisions. When I don't find the space to be quiet and dialogue with God and ponder the deep questions, I can feel quite empty and aimless, unable to offer much to anyone. This past month was one of those times when I did not find a lot of space for pondering. It happens. And yet, I had talks to give and people to pray for and counsel and writing to do. The wisdom pail was often scraping at the bottom of the well, or so it felt to me. One of the times that I was expected to get up and say something to a group of people, I realised that I had nothing running through my head: no prepared thoughts and not...

Whew! We are back from our weekend in Sussex, New Brunswick and though tired, I feel immensely blessed and content. The countryside there is beautiful, the people we spent time with are some of the most dedicated and real folks I know, and there was a goodness and hopefulness that permeated every waking and sleeping and eating moment. I was given a chance to talk to the pastors on Friday morning, so here is a brief summary of what I said (and did). I asked God, what would you say to these pastors and leaders? And it seemed to me that he responded with, "What would you say to Dean?" Well, that's easy! I would say to Dean, "Thank you for loving me! Thank you for taking care of me, for providing for me, for telling me I am beautiful, for making sure I have food and clothes, for defending me, for cheering me on, for believing in me and seeing my potential, for sticking by me on my bad days, and for never walking away." And I think that this is what God wanted...

We are leaving shortly for a road trip to Sussex, New Brunswick. It is a Vineyard Canada thing, so we'll get to see old friends and make new ones and sit in some sessions with leaders and attend a conference where we hopefully learn together. Being in a car with Dean for 20 hours is a great treat as well! Dean and/or I have been asked to give a little talk on Friday morning to the pastors and also to pray for a ladies' bible study group on Sunday morning. I got very excited by these opportunities because I love being able to bring something to others that makes things clearer in their lives, that adds fun and grace and beauty. And then I start to think...well, what would that be, this wonderful thing I am bringing? So I have been pondering on that for a few days and been so tired and busy that nothing has come out of all these scattered thoughts. So I feel bad that I might come there empty handed, but then I remember that the gift is not ultimately from me, is it? I hav...

It has been quite a week. My school year officially ended last Friday with a bang: a 21-hour day which included a 3 hour exam and a 15-hour creative project. The next night we went jive dancing with some friends and on the way home, blew two tires out on a nasty pothole. Dean's car went into the shop on Monday for new tires and some minor body work. He commandeered my car, so I was without wheels for 4 days. Meanwhile, Dean had a business trip scheduled, so he drove to Vermont, parked my car at the airport, then flew to Memphis to oversee shipping and inventory at the new warehouse location for his company. When he got there, he encountered a bigger mess than he had bargained for. He called me yesterday to tell me he was extending his trip by 3 days. That leaves me in charge of leading the Sunday night church gathering and speaking. On top of that, I have had a house guest for the past 2 weeks who is writing three exams and dealing with some curve balls that life is tossing at he...

For: The Institute of Contemporary And Emerging Worship Studies , St. Stephen's University , Essentials Green Online Worship Values Course with Dan Wilt The trinitarian nature of the Godhead fascinates and puzzles me. It is like a prism or multidimensional sculpture that one cannot take in all at once, but every time you look, you catch a different angle. And so I keep looking and moving closer and catching new glimpses of this God who is unlike anything or anyone that I know. One. Three. One. Hard to describe. Virtually impossible not to be challenged and changed and loved by Him, if one is up for it. For my final project for Essentials Green, I painted something inspired by my studies on the trinity this year, both in this online course and in my theology classes in university. I turned the video camera on and started painting, not sure exactly what I would come up with. It turned out to be an afternoon of joyful and playful creation. Sticks, fingers, knives, apples, and paint a...