outWORD by Matte Downey

We are trying to sell our house. It is not going as I had hoped. Many of the people who have walked through our home have noted that the floor is uneven in a basement room, and mention that our stairs are off as well. What? I never noticed this and I LIVE HERE! And there is the problem. Because I live in the place, I see it day in and day out, and I do not notice small changes. We get used to what we live with and assume it is normal. Our eyes and attitudes and actions adjust and embrace the crooked as the new straight. It takes the objective eye of someone who is outside the situation to notice that things are askew. The first reaction when someone points out that things are off in ones home (or life) is denial. Surely not! Hey, everything is fine! I would know if something was not right. I am here 24/7. I can't be that blind! Um, yes I could be that oblivious, especially regarding something that I have grown so accustomed to that I assume it is normal when in fact, it could be on...

Last night we were invited to see a play, The Syringa Tree , with friends of ours. It is a story told through the eyes of a young girl growing up in South Africa during apartheid and filled with moments of joy and laughter, pain and bewilderment, love and loss. Our friends, who originate from South Africa, wondered how accessible we found the play because it was filled with references to that country and and a culture and time that they knew we could not identify with. We reassured them that the profound story and powerful performance were quite accessible to a wider audience. . I read the playwright's notes (she was born and raised near Johannesburg, SA) in the playbill this morning over breakfast. " Thirty years later, in a class taught by my director, Larry Moss, I unsuspectingly did as he asked when he said 'Turn to the person next to you and tell them a story.' Without warning, the image of an attack on my grandparents' farm, Clova , came roaring into my mind...

Here is another amazing Namibia photo taken by Greg Beaudoin. I love the contrast of the road against the sand. I had a bit of a meltdown on Sunday night during worship. We were singing the words, "All I need is You, Jesus." Well, everyone else was singing them and I was just standing there, mute in front of the microphone, trying to stop being distracted and focus on God, when I again heard these words..."Do you believe it?" Argh, so often I get in a spiritual setting and am surrounded by all these faith-filled words, especially in songs, and I do desire to utter true things and the things that I hope for and believe in, but no, I cannot say things lightly and really, don't want to. So anyway, Awa (the worship leader) had given me permission to sing out anything spontaneous and when I found my heart stirred, and saw her encouragement, I started to sing. It was a bit of a mess as I floundered, singing that I wanted to sing the phrase but the word ALL was just to...

This photo was taken by my friend, Greg Beaudoin , on his trip across the Namib desert. I have obtained his permission to share a few of his pictures on my blog because I think they are striking photos and I would have taken them myself, had I been there (at least I hope I would have). I need people. Dean has been working a lot this past week and weekend so I have spent a fair bit of time alone. I don't mind that, usually, but I realise that I need other people to motivate me, to challenge me, to spark ideas and conversations and laughter and love, and to generally be a productive person. What good are wisdom and knowledge and kindness and generosity and beauty and faithfulness (all those things I try to cultivate in my life) if there are no people to share these things with or learn them from? But on the other hand, if I cannot stand by myself when I need to, be strong when everyone around me is heading in the wrong direction, or make it through a dry, dusty and barren spot in my...

A year ago I landed in Pretoria, South Africa. This photo, taken on the flight from Atlanta to Johannesberg, was the first one of many. Far from being sentimental, I do, however, believe that revisiting important and meaningful life moments provides ongoing enrichment and helps me not to forget precious and life-changing lessons. One of the major ways that Africa changed me was regarding security and safety. Neither of those is taken for granted there. While I was in South Africa, close friends of the family I stayed with had an encouter with armed men. In the year since I returned to Canada, nearly everyone I know there has been a victim to some attempt at violence or burglary. Part of my ongoing commitment has been to pray for the safety of these dear ones in a dangerous part of the world. The other part was re-echoed last night in a book I am reading: "The greatest moment of your life is now...This moment is God's irreplaceable gift to you. Most of all, this is the moment ...

When I was young I believed that I could change the world. Why not? The world I knew was quite small, just a few square miles, really, and the people I knew and cared about were all within those few acres, and the issues I grappled with were usually resolved within a day or two, and if I encountered something really tough, I enlisted the help of my father and he settled the matter in no time. The older I got, however, and the more I travelled and the more people I met, and the more complex the situations I encountered became, I started to lose hope that I could in fact influence anyone or accomplish anything! My life seemed insignificant and small and of little value when you looked at the whole picture of human history and especially when you took into account that I would probably never get to meet many influential people and those that I did meet, in positions of power or not, were exercising their free will, just like me. But lately, I have begun to adapt the attitude of my childho...

In a very success and results oriented society, the simple pleasure of enjoying something is sometimes not seen as a worthwhile expenditure of time, energy and money – perhaps something best left to children. But if you are up on your Westminster catechism, the following will sound familiar: What is the chief end of man? Man’s chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy him forever . Enjoyment was not something I captured as a mainstay of my faith in my conservative Mennonite upbringing, but I am trying to rectify that now. No, I have not become a hedonist, but this great big life that God has given to me as a gift is to be thoroughly enjoyed as an act of worship to the one who gave it to me, and I will not be found ungrateful if I can help it. Enjoyment involves the senses as well as the heart, mind, emotions, and imagination. I can enjoy a good meal, a drink with friends, a good book or movie, a sunset, a walk in the woods, good music, dancing, playing a game, working hard, sex, traveli...

Discomfort is such a maligned word. Since I have made my peace with it and started to realize that awkwardness is usually a symptom of change and often an invitation to be real and give up one’s insecurities, I seldom suffer from it at all. I was surprised how little culture shock I felt in Africa. Though I can be known to be somewhat shy and quiet, I think I did pretty well for meeting tons of new people on an almost daily basis and managing to say at least a few intelligent, and hopefully the odd meaningful, thing. The two things that did affect me the most were the level of security one has to live with (at least in Pretoria) and the stifling sense of cultural conservatism in the church which reminded me just too much of my own repressive Mennonite upbringing. Don’t get me wrong, I am not dissing either the African church I attended nor my childhood church, but let’s face it, we all have our trappings, and I am simply mentioning one that I have spent a lot of my life trying to get o...

I believe that God is teaching me to be a friend, and in that way, opening a door on my friendship with him as well. In my opinion, the fact that I flew halfway around the world to see some friends says a lot about my values. Some people seem to be a bit awkward with this bit of information, for while it seems totally acceptable to spend vast amounts of money and time touring the world and that is thought of as adventurous, using your resources to visit some exotic place mainly to invest in people and relationships instead of seeing the sights just seems sentimental or needy or I don’t know what people assume it is. Frankly, I don’t care. I was privileged to live with a family for two-and-a-half weeks and have lots of good conversations and get to know them better by listening and watching and playing and eating together and seeing what adventures and challenges they face in their adopted, temporary country. I feel I gained much more than I gave (they gave me non-stop nutritious meals,...

I just returned from three weeks in South Africa and here are the answers to the questions I am most frequently asked: 1. No, I did not go on a safari and no, I did not see any lions. But I did spend a few hours at a game park and see rhinos, giraffes, an elephant, hippos, zebras, wildebeests, an ostrich, warthogs, guinea fowl, a wide variety of birds and various small bucks. 2. No, I was not there to work with some humanitarian organization. I went to visit friends, but I was privileged to see the child that I sponsor through South Africa Cares For Life and meet his family. They struggle with poverty and health issues and live in a small leaky tin shack situated on a garbage dump, but they have a flourishing garden in the back and smiles for strangers from Canada. I felt honoured to be invited into their home. 3. No, my worldview has not changed drastically. If anything, it confirmed for me how much people all over the world are basically the same – we all share in this thing called h...

The posts have not been too regular lately because I am in Africa. Even as I type this I find it hard to believe that I sat in an airplane for nearly 24 hours and emerged halfway around the world in another hemisphere. I feel surprisingly at home (perhaps it is the good friends I am staying with who make that so) and though I have seen many interesting and strange sights and have met a wide array of African and international people, the similarities seem more pronounced than the differences. I will write more on my trip later, but last night as I was lying in bed, I was suddenly struck by a truth (enough to make me get out of bed, turn on the light, and write some thoughts down in my journal). Lately, spurred by various discussions with people and different encounters, I have been thinking about what our words mean in different contexts and last night as I laid down, this phrase ran through my head: We have divorced our words from our actions. With God, they are one. When God spoke in ...