Wednesday, March 28, 2007

my time

This is a picture Dean took in Cuba of the coral reef at the end of our beach - gorgeous when the waves crash against it, but sharp and impossible to walk on barefoot.

I had a job interview today. It went fine and the two men I was talking to were very pleasant and gracious. As they started to list the tasks and events I would be responsible for if I got the position, I started to feel a little anxious because I already had some plans for this spring and summer (good and noble plans like a weekend away with Dean and hopefully some travel to visit friends this summer) and this job with all its obligations might threaten to cut into these wonderful things that I really wanted to do. I decided the only thing to do was leave the matter in God's hands and trust him with whether or not I got the job, but a tiny concern was still there.

As I drove to the vacuum repair depot this afternoon, the real reason for my anxiety suddenly struck me: I believe that my time is my own to do with as I please and when my self-determined plans get threatened, I become anxious or annoyed. After only a few seconds of hesitation to make sure this was what I wanted to do, I told God, "My time is yours. Whatever you consider to be important at this point in my life and necessary for me to accomplish, I will do. I submit my plans to you and you can change or fulfill or rearrange them as you wish."

The anxiety left. Surrender really is the key to freedom from stress. God, my time is yours.

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