sabotage

I am typing this very carefully. Yesterday, I went to see my osteopath because my right arm has been a bit sore and on occasion, I have felt slight tingling in my fingers. Not good. I have been doing a lot of reading and taking notes (typing on my laptop) this summer, so I figured I had better get it checked out.

She worked my arm over real good and then warned me that I was 'this far' (put your forefinger and thumb a few inches apart) from developing tendonitis. Yikes! The cause is my very unergonomic way of sitting at my desk when I am studying. Usually I am so involved in what I am reading or writing that I am not aware of how contorted and tense my body is while I am doing it. My body is probably sending me signals like, "Hey, rest your arms on the desk, stop hunching over, don't twist yourself to one side like that," but I am not listening to the subtle hints.

This morning, in the shower, I was contemplating how to get through a heavy day of reading and writing without causing further strain on my body and realised that I must be deliberate about how I position myself. I have to position myself to work with my body instead of against it. It is more than just an attitude or frame of mind - it is a matter of my physical body coming into agreement with my intention and cultivating awareness in that area.

I am reminded of how often we have good intentions, even good goals, but we sabotage them by putting ourselves in positions that work against those desires. How often have I heard people say they want to make good choices and then see them hanging out with people who make questionable ones? The people whom I surround myself with will influence me. I am not saying that I shouldn't befriend those that need some guidance, but they cannot be my primary buddies. If they don't share the same intentions, they will always end up pulling me away from pursuing them.

How often have I heard people express a desire to get their lives on track with God, yet they don't position themselves in a faith community or in a gathering where people worship God? We all do it. We intend one thing and with our body and our actions, do another. Usually we are so focused on something in the moment that we are unaware of how we are sabotaging our overall well-being. It very often takes someone else to point it out to us. Dean will say to me sometimes, "Matte, sit up straight," because I am not aware of this bad habit that over time will make me the Hunchback of St-Laurent.

It is time to stop typing and give my arm a rest.

May I embrace people who will point out my inconsistencies and bad habits. I prefer if this is done lovingly, but whatever form it takes, may I receive it. May I have the grace and humility to not only hear these things, but to change what I am doing. May healing, courage, transformation, and strength take the place of sabotage in my unconscious places.

This is a photo of the sky clearing (the dark clouds moving on) at our friends' chalet in the Laurentians.