I have some questions:
1. How do I access the authority in my life? What should I be using this authority for?
2. Why do I cry when I feel powerless?
3. What is the proper outlet for my sometimes overwhelming emotions?
4. What do I do when people don't listen to me? Or does it really matter?
We all have those Achilles heels, those places and times where we feel powerless. It is nothing to be ashamed about for it is all part of the human condition, but what we do in our moments of weakness when we are stripped of our power is a very telling thing. I realised this week that while some admirable people will rise up and do something about their situation when they feel backed into a corner, I often retreat and cry. Not all that productive nor attractive, I have to admit. So what do I do about that tendency? I am not sure yet. I am not an aggressive Type A personality who must take charge of every situation they are in, and I have no desire to maintain an impeccable reputation nor develop a tough exterior that turns a blind eye to deficiencies, but neither do I want to be a wimpering child, stuck in my immaturity, relying on the mercy and compassion of others to protect and coddle me.
Suffering and authority and adversity and discouragement and weakness and strength all seem to be parts of this puzzle, but knowing how to interlock them in order to see the true picture of me is something I need to learn or perhaps, discern. So I sit here and search and look and think and wait and ask and begin the process of fitting things into place.
“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” - M. Scott Peck
This photo was taken earlier this evening at dusk outside my house.