outWORD by Matte Downey

While ironing the small gaggle of wrinkled clothes that had accumulated over the past few days, I watched an episode of Wife Swap earlier this evening. In case you are not a fan of reality tv (though I don't understand how anyone can fail to be mesmerised by the tragedies and joys of others' lives, albeit a carefully orchestrated and edited version of reality), this is not a kinky show with sexual overtones. They simply take two families that are very different, have the wives switch places and assume each other's daily tasks, and then see what drama ensues. The first week is spent living by the rulebook that the resident wife has written to the visiting wife. The second week, the visiting woman gets to introduce a new set of rules, reflecting what she believes is lacking in the current family situation. Can you see the potential for volatile situations yet? Tonight's episode was about one woman who spent most of her time cultivating her art and personal creativit...

We returned from our vacation two days ago to a big pile of fur and a slightly bigger pile of to-do items, the largest of these being organising a church retreat for this coming weekend. I am also trying to register for a French course which begins next week and have managed to find a centre that offers the times I need and is within a reasonable commute, though the classes start at the unreasonable hour of 8h15!!!!!! It never ceases to amaze me how all the information for those wanting to learn French is only available in French. Not so bad for the intermediates like myself, but how the heck do beginners manage to sign up at all? Thank goodness phone numbers are in a universal language for the most part. Today I want to share a few good quotes with you from my journey to Manitoba. I read the story of Jonah while on vacation and loved what Eugene Peterson said in the introduction to the book: One reason that the Jonah story is so enduringly important for nurturing the life of faith in...

So here's what happened. I got on the plane a week ago to come to this place where I am from, this small town rural community in Manitoba, and frankly, not my favourite vacation spot in the world. And as is often my practice when going somewhere, I asked God, "So, what about this trip? What are you doing?" The answer was swift: "You need to practice some humility." Don't you hate it when God asks you to humble yourself? I have come far since I left my hometown: I have had strange and wonderful experiences which include supernatural and mystical phenomenon, I have drunk alcohol and realised it is not the end of my salvation, I have made friends from all over the world, I have learned another language, I have overcome a lot of fears and prejudices and lost reams of religious trappings, I have participated in planting several churches, I have spoken in public and taught and written articles to some public acclaim. So most times when we visit, I feel a certain s...

I am in Manitoba visiting family for 10 days. I am a bit at a loss as how to describe this vacation thus far. On the one hand, the familiar prairie landscape is amazing and beautiful and makes me stop and look long and often at the vast skies and sunsets that go on forever. My new niece is a treasure, and seeing Dean animatedly educate her about all the musical artists we are listening to and offer sound business advice on career choices is priceless (she is 4 months old). I loved hanging out with my big and strong nephews and beating them at mini golf (they will tell you otherwise, but don't listen to them - I think the scoring system was slightly biased and did not offer the proper handicap for people from Montreal). This rural life almost takes on a Disney movie quality in its wholesomeness and simplicity. But there are also some bittersweet moments. The one that probably touched me the most was going to the hospital with my mother. Her younger brother is dying of cancer and sh...

I am leaving for Manitoba tomorrow morning...way too early, really, but Air Canada likes to change your flights after you book them, just to keep things interesting. I had a list of items that I needed to accomplish today. Things looked good up until 1 pm or so and then the list and the schedule just began to ignore me and dance to their own song, something from the 90's, I think. What can one do? I went with it. Well, at least we were still moving, and dancing is always fun if you give yourself to it. So I did. I don't regret the leisurely lunch with a friend, nor the pedicure that Dean insisted that I get before I leave, nor the spontaneous YES to a simple request that meant so much more than just the errand. I am learning that time spent with people, serving people, doing things with people, even on a day like today when the list is long, is never a waste of time. It is 11:39 pm and there are still 2 big items on the list: ironing and packing. But I'll get to t...

Some of my friends were complaining about church this week. Normally, I try to listen and smile and nod and give the appearance of taking it all in stride (I don't think I am too successful), but on the inside I take this type of criticism quite personally and am secretly offended by their horrific ungodliness and lack of commitment. Yes, I take it all too personally because, well, my husband and I are two of the so-called leaders in our humble church group and how can I not? Even though we are one of the most embracing, interactive, flexible, contemporary church groups around, people still find something they don't like. But this time, after the first few dents and dings to my ego, I decided that being offended was not that useful of a reaction. In fact, I could identify with some of the things they were saying, in a general kind of way. I am not satisfied with the way we do things either. Though I never think it a waste of time to show up for a church meeting, I often leave d...

I spoke at church on Sunday night, so for 99.99% of the planet who was not there, here are the notes. How can one build a life that is solid? Where the stresses and strains of life don't crush you? Where temptation does not ruin you? Where catastrophes and rough times do not cause you to collapse or lose hope? Where the pressures of life and the world we live in won't carry you away with them? Where you stand solid no matter what comes at you and bad times bring out the best in you instead of the worst? Here are 4 things I have found helpful in my quest for the solid life. 1. all in (James 1:2-8) Faith is your friend. Doubt is your enemy. Doubt is keeping your options open instead of putting all your hope in God. Who or what are you betting on? Are you waiting for a better hand in life or will you go all in with what you have right now? Trust means there can be no back-up plan if God does not come through. The greatest thing I can do every day is to submit myself to God, to g...

I like being patient. It is so much more fun than being impatient. Yesterday I spent the day with a friend who was shopping for a desk. She had requested my company because I have a car and hey, I am just so much fun. It turned into an all day event that included lunch, the mandatory crying in the restaurant over stories of redemption, plenty of bathroom stops, numerous bouts of indecision over colour and size, a brief ride on the shopping cart, thorough research of all the store's other fine articles offered for sale, an excursion into the "as is" section, talking to a polite Spanish guy in front of me who had the best hair and seemed to be buying enough stuff to furnish a small house but was stuck waiting in line while his friend collected more articles for purchase, delivering the desk to my friend's house only to discover that it was damaged inside the box, returning to the customer service area at the store and waiting for another half hour to get a new desk, an...

I am supposed to be outside right now. This morning, I did all my correspondence and inside work, then started to get ready to head outside on a grand walk to run a lot of errands, buy some food, check out a new hairdresser and maybe even the library. As I looked at my grocery list, I decided I would need my backpack to carry the milk and orange juice, so I scooped a sleeping feline off my black canvas bag and was annoyed to find it covered in cat fur. Egads , these cats need to pick a different spot to sleep than on my backpack! I began to brush and wipe and clean the stubbornly sticky tufts of brown fur off the bag and was starting to get slightly disgusted with how slow and unproductive I can be sometimes when I heard the light patter and then the pounding torrent of water on the roof. At that moment, I thanked God for Jazz and fur and slowness. Here I sit inside and dry instead of being caught unaware in the rain, far from any shelter. The best plans of man (and woman and cat) are ...

One of the most mesmerising television shows I have ever watched is Intervention. A camera crew follows an addict around and you see all the destructive patterns they engage in. You sometimes see bravado, sometimes anger and bitterness, often hopelessness displayed in these poor ones souls as they shoot substances into their veins, drink their way into oblivion, or inhale smoke to alter their reality. They are trapped. They cannot help themselves. Things get desperate enough that the family and friends decide that an intervention is necessary. This means that the family makes a break; they stop making it easy for the addict to continue in their current lifestyle; they stop enabling the destructive behaviour. The handouts, the free food and board, the open door and welcoming arms, the acceptance of abusive behaviour, and the guilt gifts all stop. It is tough stuff, letting someone you love suffer dire consequences for their bad choices. But bailing them out of trouble time after time d...

I have another confession to make. I sometimes find group dynamics challenging. There have been times in the past few weeks when I have just wanted to cry or slap someone or scream out loud or perhaps most cowardly of all, slink quietly away so that no one would notice. And this was in a small group of people that I would call my friends. Why? For the most part, I am a nice person, a quiet person, a patient person. I am not an extrovert and seldom naturally command the attention in a room. In fact, I sometimes feel quite inadequate and invisible when trying to be a leader or when I interact in a group. And yet, I know that who I am and what I have to say or contribute is often very valuable. But I usually will not force my voice to be heard, nor do something to make my presence acknowledged. I prefer it when people willingly listen and engage with me and offer their attention because they want to, not because I demand it. I detest manipulation and coercion and try not to participate in...

Last night I finished reading Anne Rice's book, Christ the Lord - Out of Egypt . For those of you unfamiliar with her, she is the author of some 27 well-researched historical fiction books with usually dark supernatural elements, her most famous one being Interview With The Vampire which was made into a movie starring Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise. Her author's note at the end of the book I just read is almost as revelatory as the story itself. After being raised a devout Catholic, then becoming an atheist for most of her adult life, she began to research the historical Jesus and was challenged to dedicate the remainder of her writing career to him. She had an epiphany that this story, this man, this God, was the one she had been looking for all along. As she says in an interview, she now lives in the light. It is a very restrained book and I took my time reading it, not wanting to race through the pages lest I miss some nuance, some fresh way of seeing things, in the telling of t...

I began reading the book of Hosea this week. I couldn't help but think that this was not how Hosea had pictured his life would turn out. What young man dreams about growing up and marrying a prostitute? Who wants to love someone who will toss that love aside lightly time after time? Why would one run after an adulterous and unfaithful partner and take them back? If God had posted this assignment on http://www.monster.com/ would you have signed up for it? Yes, please, pick me! I want to be used and rejected and hurt in a relationship. Surely, anyone knows that these are just not good boundaries. This kind of depraved and uncivil behaviour is more than enough reason for divorce. And it seems to be a waste of a perfectly good man. Surely he could have married a beautiful girl who loved him dearly, appreciated his dedication and good character, and returned his affection. Isn't that what each of us wants? Isn't that what we deserve if we live right? And yet, God invited him t...

There are some things I don't understand in life. Okay, there are a lot of things I don't understand in life. Every day I lack understanding about something and for the most part, I think we all get used to this feeling. We accept odd patterns of behaviour and ways of being because they become familiar, not necessarily because things are as they should be. Dean has been sick for 10 days. It is not a good thing. He was flat on the couch for 2 days and then got a bit better and now has the energy to go to work but not much else. He can't eat much of anything because his digestive system just rejects most food (yes, it comes out either one end or the other in case you must know). It is just some silly stomach virus but it is going on way too long and I don't know why. I don't understand. Yesterday I prayed, "God, if there is some particular purpose that you have in Dean being sick, then we embrace it and co-operate with what you are doing. But if there is no purp...

Things have a been a bit slow in my blog-world lately because my usual schedule has been disrupted by wonderful but time-consuming events. ONE: I opened my first exhibit of photos this week. It is kind of a strange sensation to see ones art displayed in a public setting and have people study it up close and offer their comments. I have been pleasantly surprised by the reaction of all and am always amazed by the wonderful support of the folks in our church group and my friends from all walks of life. One of them even compared the dilapidated old stone church basement with fluorescent lighting where the exhibit is being held to the humble beginnings of some famous artist whose name I can't remember right now. I like the concept of humble beginnings because it is something Jesus loves as well. And beauty shows well in humble beginnings. TWO: I have been helping a far-off friend search for an apartment in Montreal. She emails me the details of a place she is interested in and I go sc...

I am reading the book of Daniel. It is depressing. Daniel does everything right. His integrity knows no bounds. He stands up to the kings of his day and tells them horrible news and defies their direct orders (respectfully, of course) and what happens? He gets promoted! Usually after he faces some horrible crisis and certain death, that's true, but even then he doesn't freak out. He knows his life is in good hands. Kings die and get murdered and pass on but Daniel stays, a highly respected man of incredible insight and wisdom who puts everyone else to shame. A man who is so squeaky clean that no one can find any fault in him except that he is loyal to God. And he doesn't seem to care what anyone thinks of him. He knows he is with God and that is all that matters. I squished my finger under a box of cat litter today. It was pretty traumatic. For a brief moment, I wasn't sure if I would retain full use of it in a meaningful way. Thankfully, the throbbing stopped a minut...

Last night we walked around the Jazz Festival and saw a very cool band called Naturally 7. They use only their voices and if you weren't seeing seven guys in front of you with nothing but microphones, you would swear there was a full band playing with drums, bass, guitar, keyboard, and even strings, a horn section or a DJ at times. Amazing what can be done with the human voice. I saw a preview for a new reality TV show called The Singing Office where a quasi-famous host surprises people in an office and asks them to sing. Some results are bad, some are surprisingly good. They take a few of these people, give them some vocal coaching and choreography help, and then bring them back to do a little performance for their colleagues. A silly little premise and a not-so-original concept, but it inspired me. If someone walked up to me and stuck a microphone in my face and said, "Sing!" what would come out? One of my old favorite songs or something new and original? A tune I ca...

I judge people. I was sitting on my bed on Sunday afternoon, having just read some of the book of Daniel, and I started to confess this. God, I go around judging people. Yep, that's what I do. That's what I did this weekend. I judge people. I don't like it, it doesn't help anyone, but there you have it. I am a wanna-be judge . And God asked me, D o you know why you do this ? hmmm , well, okay, why do I do that which I am not proud of? There are certain things that are very important to me. They are emphases in my life that I believe God has put there. One of them is faithfulness. Another is truth. I love these things and have worked hard to grow and mature in them in my life. I am constantly aware of how important these things are, how vital they are to God's character and therefore, to mine. But, alas, because I have invested so much in pursing these precious traits, when I encounter someone who treats them lightly, who does not hold them with the same regard as I ...

Since we have downsized, scale has become an important dimension in my life. We have been shopping for a dining room table and chairs and I quickly realised that no matter how much I liked the furniture, if it was too big or too small or too wide or too long, it would not work well. And we are determined to work well in this space - to work with it and not against it. That being said, we must pay attention to dimensions and scale and proportion and adjust our expectations and wants accordingly. The hind feet of my brain start to fidget every time I think about these things, so I know there is something important to be learned here, to be aware of. I know too many people who have crammed their small spaces full of stuff, either things too large or just too much. It makes one confused and unsettled when you walk in the room. Overly large items make a space seem smaller than it really is. Too small furniture and the room dwarfs you with its cavernous echoes and feels empty and bare. I th...

God has been telling me that he is a God of invitation. I keep hearing this over and over from different sources. I have been reading through the Old Testament again and frankly, have never seen much invitation there. Lots of judgments, warnings, commandments, and visions, but very little invitation. But I decided to change my perspective and look at the character of God as he is revealed in the Old Testament through the eyes of invitation. Wow, that does change everything! Here are eight invitations that I found just this week and they so impacted me that I spoke about them on Sunday night at church. 1. PULL UP A CHAIR. Don't stay on the outskirts, just watching. Come in. Participate. Engage. Be more than an observer in the back row. Pull up a seat at the table, be a part of something, join the family meal. Be present. (I invited everyone to pull up a chair and sit around a large table.) 2. BURN YOUR PRIDE. Admit that we all need help. We are guilty. Stop justifying or explaining...