outWORD by Matte Downey

There are some things that just don’t seem to want to co-exist in this world. Like heat and ice (though despite the sun’s hot rays yesterday, there were still some ice floes on the edge of the river that had not yet realized that the temperature was way past their melting point); caterpillars and butterflies (you are either one or the other); darkness and sight (cats have the distinct advantage here); politics and mercy (sorry, Greg); lions and antelopes in close proximity; hot and cold (you usually end up with lukewarm, though a hot fudge sundae is the delicious exception); fear and creativity – you get the idea. Let me name two more things: compassion (that is, a soft heart) and strength. These are two things that I highly value, but have seldom seen in perfect balance, especially in my life. Usually those who are empathetic and emotional and kindhearted are also easily overwhelmed by adverse circumstances or conflicts or criticism. Those who have been through harsh situations often ...

Anyone out there ever made a mistake? If you admit to being a member of the human race, it is likely that you have made some error during the course of your life. Mistakes come in various forms: sometimes I forget my wallet at home, or spray bathroom cleaner on the mirror because it looks like the glass cleaner, or burn the burgers because I lose track of time. These are relatively harmless mishaps and easily remedied and forgotten. But there are those mistakes that affect others in a detrimental way, and those are not as easy to forget, forgive, or rectify. This week I did something thoughtless than put people in jeapordy. What do you do when that happens? First of all, you thank God that no one is hurt. Then you repent. Then you vow never to do anything that stupid again. Then you try to figure out what snapped in your brain to cause this lapse in judgment. Then you watch as people take a step back from trusting you. Then you re-evaluate your worth as a human being and question wheth...

Carrots pulled from the damp earth, unwashed... simplicity Young summer peas still crisp and sweet and tiny in their pods...innocence Kohlrabi peeled and turned upside down to resemble an ice cream cone...imagination Variegated leaf lettuce with curly edges and ribs of deep red running through it at random...diversity Strawberries with their pitted skin and raspberries with their cocoons of sugary syrup and tangy green gooseberries with their straw-tassled ends...integration Choke cherries and frost-ripened concord grapes that turn your tongue various shades of blue and purple and make your eyes blink rapidly as the sour liquid pops out from the skin...the bittersweet that leaves its mark Small bush berries that come in both red and yellow and are known to me only as "olebassum"...mystery And a whole row of red poppies setting the rest of the garden aflame...burning passion All topped by my mother's homemade creamy sweet and savory dressing that makes even wilted lettuce...

Unsure of what to write about today, I opened my thesaurus at random and stuck my finger on the left hand side of the page, thinking it would be a good exercise for me to expound on whatever I happened to point out. And the word was... MODERATION . So here we go - some thoughts on moderation. I detest most forms of moderation for they are the antithesis of passion. Moderate people are easy to live with and moderate opinions are easy to accept. There is a certain amount of safety in moderation for you will never come close to excess or abstinence. Lukewarm is another word we can talk about. Neither hot nor cold. Lukewarm water, lukewarm tea, lukewarm beer, lukewarm Coke...ugh! I used to equate moderation and balance, but a friend set me straight on that inaccurate assumption. I like balance, for it means you can take two extreme items and ultilize them to maintain stability. If you were to mush the opposites together and place the mixture in the middle you would get nothing mor...

I am reading a work of fiction about an artist who comes from a devout Jewish background, and though he practices his faith and observes all the traditions with the utmost sincerity, his choice of art subjects (like the crucifixion or nudes) has caused the Jewish community and his very own family to disown and speak against and at times shun him. It seems that the sacred, or what we have come to acknowledge as such i.e. having to do with religion, is threatened or afraid of being tainted when it comes in contact with the unsacred, or secular. While there are hints of this separation in the Bible, especially in the history of the nation of Israel, it manifests itself in a completely different form in the life of Jesus. In fact, the 'sacred' traditions, offices, and places seem to be threatened by Him! Pitting the sacred and the secular against each other seems to me to constitute a rather inadequate and two-dimensional worldview. Perhaps one of the reasons is that as an artist I...

I have prayed some interesting prayers. I am not thinking about the time I asked God to cast a demon out of a black cat or which lotto numbers to play or even the time I asked him to go back through time and affect a certain situation. No, the instance that came to my mind today was a prayer I uttered about a year ago that sort of took me by surprise when I heard myself express it because I wasn't sure it was a very godly desire - it sounded so selfish and oddly egocentric. This was the prayer: God, I ask you to move on me and in my life in such a way that people look at me, and when they do, especially those people on the edge of faith in some way, they can see your love and power and your undeniable nearness to humanity. I wanted to be a signpost of sorts - but since that concept seemed to have a tinge of attention-seeking at its core, I left that prayer unattended and went on to petition other matters of importance like healing for those bruised and broken (even sometimes bitter...

winter on the farm where I grew up. UPDATE: these trees were damaged in a storm the summer after I took this photo and are no longer there. I gave this photo to my brother and his wife (who currently owns the farm) this Christmas. good memories.

I have a confession to make...I hate being told what to do. I like to think that if everything and everyone in my world would just order themselves according to my wishes, things would work out alright. But welcome to an earth filled with billions of beings each with free will, and each probably thinking very much the same thing! A sure recipe for trouble! Perhaps that is why traffic can be so frustrating...all those other people are just not lining up with your idea of how things should go!!! So irritating. You know, I have come up with some ideas that have been rather good and enjoyed implementing them, but when I think about it, the most meaningful and effectual events or changes in my life have come as somewhat of a surprise to me - something was initiated by someone else and I got to participate and benefit. Here's confession number two...I love to be loved. Well, who wouldn't, but very few of us come right out and say it. I crave attention, affection, acceptance and any o...

This afternoon a friend of mine challenged me to write something on politics. My first reaction was "NO!" because if you know me at all, you know that I am apolitical. I don't have much of an opinion on politics one way or the other, I generally don't like to talk about them (though after some practice, I can now hold a fairly simple conversation on the subject when necessary), I don't make an effort to be informed about them, I will probably find a way to change the topic when it is brought up, and on occasion I have been known to burst into tears when the subject is broached. What can I say? I don't understand it either. So what changed my mind? When I opened up the bible for my daily reading, this is what it said: "The first thing I want you to do is pray. Pray every way you know how, for everyone you know. Pray especially for rulers and their governments to rule well so we can be quietly about our business of living simply, in humble contemplation. Th...

I have been discussing community (and the sad lack of it in our lives) with a friend of mine (http://wherewelive.blogspot.com ) and this afternoon I happened upon someone's blog (http://www.johnalanturner.blogspot.com ) who mentioned that he had moved his family across the country in order that they might be close to friends - be a part of a community. Hey - I really admire the man's courage to pursue the things he believes are valuable to the health of his family, but just the opposite happened to my friend and I: due to different circumstances, we both made the choice to move away from a great community of supportive friends into the barren wasteland of strangers, people of un-like mind, and unfamiliar surroundings. The novelty is exciting for a few months, but then the silent phone and the empty front steps start to wear on your pioneering spirit. If you are going where you think God has called you to be, shouldn't friends be easy to make? Alas, it seems not. Friends ...

A lot of my friends and acquaintances (and yeah, me too) seem to be at a point where they need some direction in their lives. We get to a certain point, and then we wonder...what next? We are faced with some choices and we hesitate because it is not clear which one will get us to the right place. And by the way, where were we going anyway? In a quest to offer some help to people in this area, I offered to speak on the topic at church one night (what was I thinking?). I had no idea what I could do or say to bring clarity in the area of guidance, so I asked God about it. The next thing I knew I was reading the story of Abram and Sarah in Genesis 12 - 25 and here are the points I came up with. Maybe you will see yourself in a few of them. 1. God gives a general invitation to be a blessing, to make something of your life. (Genesis 12:1-3) Condition to move onto the next step: You must leave your comfort zone, you cannot rely on yourself. 2. God gives you a glimpse of the possibilit...

There are days when nothing I hear seems totally believable. The words are all inadequate and two-dimensional, lacking the fatness of truth. The situations I encounter seem stilted and detached in some way, as if they were all scripted after the fashion of some forgettable television rerun. Even the air tastes stale and the sunshine is dull and flat. And then I see a child stare me full in the face without embarrassment, looking to see if I will be their newest friend. The familiar smell of a passing diesel engine reminds me of my father long gone. The random touch of someone I just met laughing at my silly remark makes my skin tingle with the warmth of humanity. I catch the chorus of a new pop song and recognize some familiar longing to be more than the sum of my parts. The taste of my husband's kiss floods my chest with small butterfly sensations. And suddenly I know I am very much alive. When I find myself sitting in the graveyard of depression, I do not despair,...

If only learning things were as easy as buying a new pair of shoes! Simply slide my credit card through the old machine, or fork over a few bills, and the acquisition is complete - I can wear the new boots out of the store. One minute the footwear was on the shelf, the next it has become my property to do with as I please. I own it. Alas, gaining knowledge is not that quick of a transition. I am learning a new language and nothing about that process is rapid. Ask any teenager about school and the ensuing groans verify the agonizing length of time it takes to improve their minds to the satisfaction of the school system. But we do have an amazing capacity to learn. Humans have an incredible ability to gather information, make precise observations about the world around them, and develop new skills. But even a student who gets an "A" in Chemisty might not actually "get it." As soon as the course is finished, all that valuable information may be deemed no long...

Now planes are nice, but what I really like is to fly through the air with my own body, all by myself, under my own power. I have recurring flying dreams - have had them since I was a child. I believe all of us are born with this same kind of inner urge, some soul-cry for freedom, a deep longing that we cannot adequately express in our everyday, mundane lives. And if you look closely, I believe all of us will find evidence of it seeping through in our subconscious, our uncensored words, our day and/or night dreams, our playtime activities, in fact, any time we let our guard down and allow our childlike ability to unabashedly desire great things take hold for a just a moment. You know how kids are…they will just outright ask you for what they want, no matter how ridiculous it sounds to the rational adult mind. Like chocolate cake for breakfast, or staying up all night to watch the stars, or sending their favorite toy to a poor child in Africa, or learning to fly by donning a blan...

Every Christmas, I ask God for a focus point, a theme...something that makes the season and the story of Jesus come alive for me once more. The problem with traditions, at least for me, is that I get bored with them. I have heard the story before, the songs are oh so familiar, I know what happens in the end, and though the truth can be amazingly profound, I loose my sense of wonder all too easily when there is repitition involved. So I ask the One who is never short on fresh ideas to show me a new angle, another dimension of truth, a divine revelation of the neverending depth of Love personified. And this year, I was struck with the necessity of looking. Those shepherds would never have found the One who changed the course of their lives if they had not abandoned their work and went on a midnight treasure hunt. Wise men spent years poring over writings and watching the skies, and when all the signs lined up, they packed their bags and started on a lengthy journey to another p...

I can be a very negative person sometimes. And I don't particularly like that character trait. Why does the first word out of my mouth so often turn out to be "No?" So today I decided to engage in an exercise of thankfulness and affection. An uncensored stream of words reflecting delight instead of disappointment. It goes something like this... I like being able to run. I like to jump. I like the sun. I like my car. I like my cats. I like eating. I like to sleep. I like breathing. I like Dean. I like talking to my cool friends far and near. I like laughing without knowing why. I like good stories. I like learning new things. I like a whole day in front of me with endless possibilities. I like pretty skies. I like loud thunder. I like being warm. I like being liked. I like surprises. I like to see, hear, touch, smell, and taste my world. I like me. I like you. I like God who thought of something like "liking" in ...

I am learning a new language. It is an exciting, challenging, frustrating, neverending process that leaves me ecstatic one moment when I understand a new phrase and feeling totally stupid the next when someone addresses me and I realize that I have no idea what came out of their mouth. What were those people of Babel thinking? Ever since that catastrophic building project we have had to live with miscommunication, misunderstanding, ignorance, lack of interaction, unresponsiveness, and alienation. Children often ask, "What language does God speak?" I have heard it said that he speaks to each of us in our own language. How comforting, how convenient, how little effort required on my part. I don't need the universal translator of Star Trek fame to understand and communicate with God. The universal mediator, Jesus, is hard at work making me acceptable to God. The universal Spirit is hard at work making our prayers heard. The universal creator is hard at working c...

If you could say just one word and the whole world would listen, what would it be? Okay, I know I ask some pretty insanely ridiculous heavy-type questions in my head sometimes, and more than that, I actually think about them for hours and attempt to answer them as well. It seems to be a particular quirk of mine. Go ahead, try it, it doesn't hurt, and it may actually lead you to discover some cool things. Soooo...let's see. That one word, can I have two? Please? Okay, since I am asking permission from myself, I will allow it because I am quite lenient and after all, not trying to take advantage of myself in any way. My first thought was "Fear not!" That's a cool one because angels say it a lot and so does God. So it must be important. But if all the fear were wiped out in the world, what would that really accomplish? We'd feel better and get more stuff done. Hmmm. Nice, but I want more. So, let's try something more positive, like ...

"Do not exchange one bondage for another and mistake it for freedom." That was a phrase that rang through my head at the end of my hour-long walk home from school today. I like walking, especially when the sun is shining, the breeze gently blowing across my path, and I know there is an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper waiting for me in the refrigerator when I get home. But mostly I like to walk because it is when I dialogue with God. I start things off with a question or comment, and away we go...we discuss issues, we argue about why things are not as they should be, or rather, not as I want them to be, I ask a lot of questions and wonder about a lot of situations, and sometimes I just listen. Often I talk out loud. I have even been known to weep, wail, and groan on occasion when words just did not seem adequate. So today I was asking why something I did that seemed like a good idea at the time with the most noble motivation, turned into an unhealthy obsession. And this phrase ca...

1. Sometimes I get waaaay too serious about things. Enjoy the moment, be it the bug in the window or the ray of sunshine on the chair. 2. If you are hungry or in need, meow, and meow again, and don't stop meowing until the person who has the power to do something about it actually does something about it. 3. Cuddle, get close, lean against, sit on top of, lie stretched out on, and purr for the one you love. 4. Sitting next to someone for an hour just listening is a good way to spend an afternoon. 5. The dark is not a scary place. All you need is a tiny bit of light to see ahead of you. 6. Some things are worth getting up from a nap from, some are not. The secret is to be able to tell the difference. 7. Even though the dish is empty now, there will be food in it at supper time. There always is. 8. Don't get too comfortable in one position, change your perspective often. 9. There is a definite advantage to seeing things from above, get as high as you can. 10. You are responsible ...