Wednesday, November 21, 2007

question mark

The state of things this morning was quite different from the state of things last night. Last night it was cool and misty, typical fall weather. When I looked out the window this morning at 8 am there was snow on the ground and it was still coming down. I had an appointment downtown (across a bridge onto the island of Montreal and then another 30 minutes away with no traffic) and wondered if the weather would make me late. I hate being late, especially when other people are counting on me.
Fifteen minutes into my trip I was sitting in slow-moving traffic, and I began to whine, "I'm not even on the island yet and I'm already stuck in traffic!" I hate whining, almost as much as I hate being late, so I am not quite sure why I insist on indulging in both of these practises occasionally, but I do. Nevertheless, this morning I smartened up pretty quickly and chose to pray instead and trust God with the timing. The snow cleared up as soon as I hit the city and I arrived in good time -there was no need to panic.
I used to frequently ask (almost demand, really) that God change my circumstances, or remove obstacles, or give me something better, or just CHANGE something! And if it did not happen immediately, I was deflated and defeated and somewhat faithless. I put altogether too much hope in something happening exactly the way I envisioned it. It really never worked all that well for me, to be honest. I have changed how I talk to God. One of the questions I now ask God when I feel some worry or panic or fear arising in me is, "Do I need to worry about this?" I have never heard a YES in response. Sometimes it is just a matter of asking the right question.
This is a chair on my deck this afternoon.

No comments: