One of the most persistent categories in the story of humanity is that of family. We hear the importance placed on family in our contemporary context: someone buying a million-dollar cottage says that the purchase is all about being together as a family, a contestant in a singing competition proclaims that their family is everything to them, a politician running for office declares that they stand for family values, religious folks urge us to stave off the attack on the traditional family, a celebrity steps out of the limelight stating that they want to focus on their family life. For the most part, these appeals to the worth of family are accepted and even applauded. The question is, what is the nature of the family we are giving priority to?
The Oxford dictionary defines family as 1) parents and children living together in a household or 2) all descendants of a common ancestor. However, many of us can attest to the fact that familial ties exist outside of legal and blood bonds. People linked by love and commitment sometimes function more coherently as family units than those who are related by blood. So, what is a family?
Jesus has some interesting and disturbing things to say regarding families. In Matthew 10, we read about Jesus sending out his twelve disciples, authorizing them to heal, deliver, and care for the vulnerable. He gives them a variety of instructions and some wise counsel. Then we read this:
"Do not imagine that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. I have come to turn men against their fathers, daughters against their mothers, and daughters-in-law against their mothers-in-law. You will find you have enemies even in your own household. If you love your father or mother more than you love Me, then you are not worthy of Me. If you love your son or daughter more than you love Me, then you are not worthy of Me. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow Me [on the narrow road], then you are not worthy of Me. To find your life, you must lose your life—and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." (Matt. 10:34-39, The Voice)
No doubt, these words were challenging to his first-century hearers, and they are still challenging to us today. What is Jesus saying? Did he come to divide families? To pit family members against each other? To nullify family ties? I don't think so. I believe Jesus is telling the disciples a hard truth: following Jesus impacts family dynamics and loyalties. Not because it enforces a more restrictive and exclusive approach to who is in and who is out. No, quite the opposite.
"While Jesus was speaking to the crowds, his mother and brothers stood outside trying to speak with him. Someone said to him, 'Look, your mother and brothers are outside wanting to speak with you.' Jesus replied, 'Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?' He stretched out his hand toward his disciples and said, 'Look, here are my mother and my brothers. Whoever does the will of my Father who is in heaven is my brother, sister, and mother.'" (Matt. 12:46-50, CEB)
In the first century, families were the building blocks of Jewish culture. People were organized by families, they traced their lineage back to David, to the tribes of Israel, to Abraham. Many times, multiple generations lived in the same household, traditions and keepsakes and tools and recipes and valuables passed on through the family. People were identified by who their father was (Simon son of Jonah). One was not seen primarily as an individual (as we do in the modern West) but as part of a household.
In Matthew 10, Jesus disrupts the concept of family, challenging the very fabric of Jewish society. Where would their disciples find their legacy if not in the family? How would the disciples be identified if not by their family affiliations? Jesus challenges where the disciples place their loyalty, where they find safety and security, and where they belong. Jesus even challenges all the ways they were trained and taught in religion and culture. This disruption of the family, this stretching of familial ties, makes room for Jesus to redefine and enlarge the idea of family. Jesus deconstructs the family in order to reconstruct it according to the kingdom of God. Jesus dismantles the constricted idea of family in order to broaden it. Family is now those united through sharing in God's gracious love, and it is open to all.
This is not the first time we see a reimagined and enlarged concept of family. We see it when Jesus teaches his disciples to pray, "Our Father," including the disciples in his relationship with the heavenly Father. We see this enlargement every time Jesus eats with outsiders and welcomes outcasts into his presence. We find these ideas of expansion in the metaphors of adoption (Rom. 8:14-17, 23) and grafting in (Rom. 11:17-24). In fact, family expansion goes all the way back (at least) to the Abrahamic covenant which begins with one man and looks forward to all nations being included in the blessing of God.
Francis of Assisi (1181-1226) knew something about the disruption of family ties. When Francis took an expensive bolt of cloth from his father's business in order to buy supplies for rebuilding a church (plenty of religious zeal there, but not much wisdom), his enraged father tormented him with words, blows and chains, then brought him before the bishop to have him publicly renounce his family possessions. Francis responded by stripping off all his clothes and addressing his father with these words: "Until now I have called you father here on earth, but now I can say without reservation, 'Our Father who art in heaven.'" [1]
Francis is known for his love of creation and his very broad interpretation of the family of God. He spoke of Brother Sun, Sister Moon, Sister Water, Brother Fire, Sister Mother Earth, and Sister Bodily Death. [2] He preached to the birds and sought to live in peace with all living beings. One of my favourite stories from the life of Francis is the one where he encounters a wolf.
"Carretto describes Francis’ experience with a hungry old wolf who had been terrifying the people of Gubbio and preying on their livestock. Francis went out to meet the wolf armed only with love. The townspeople were sure the wolf would eat Francis. But Francis simply considered the needs of both the wolf and the community. He discerned that the wolf was too old to hunt wild animals and just needed to eat, while the people needed safety for themselves and their animals. Francis proposed that the wolf be given food each day, and the wolf agreed to leave their sheep and chickens alone. Carretto writes in Francis’ voice:
'No, brothers [and sisters], I was not afraid [to meet with the wolf].
Not since I had experienced the fact that my God is the wolf’s God too.
What is extraordinary in the incident of the wolf of Gubbio is not that the wolf grew tame, but that the people of Gubbio grew tame, and that they ran to meet the cold and hungry wolf not with pruning knives and hatchets but with bread and hot porridge. This is the miracle of love: to discover that all creation is one, flung out into space by a God who is a Father, and that if you present yourself as [God] does, unarmed and peaceably, creation will recognize and meet you with a smile.'" [3]
Jesus asks his disciples (and us): who is your family? Can we see a brother in the hungry wolf? Can we see a sister in someone outside our cultural experience? Can we see a mother in one who does not share our values? Can we see a father in one who does not speak our language? Can we be a sibling to those who appear to threaten our way of life? Will we allow ourselves to be tamed into peaceful and hospitable and welcoming members of the oh so broad family of God?
I pray that it is so.
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[1] Bonaventure, "The Life of St. Francis," Invitation to Christian Spirituality, edited by John R. Tyson (New York: Oxford University Press, 1999), 162.
[2] St. Francis of Assisi, "The Canticle of Brother Sun," Invitation to Christian Spirituality, 165-66.
[3] Richard Rohr, "Francis and the Wolf," Center for Action and Contemplation, October 6, 2019. Adapted from Carlo Carretto, I, Francis (Orbis Books: 1982), 108-109, 116. Accessed at https://cac.org/francis-and-the-wolf-2019-10-06/.
Image from boredpanda.com
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