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It is hard not to assume we are masters of our own destinies, that we can be anything we want to be if we only work hard enough, push hard enough, and never give up. We are bombarded with messages which reinforce such willful action. But Jesus shows us a different way: the way of love, the way of surrender. Serve. Sacrifice. Take up your cross. Give up your life. Surrender is a hard sell, even to those of us who say we are followers of Jesus, because it is so counter-intuitive. We feel like we are doing nothing when we surrender, but we are doing the hardest thing of all: putting aside our self-reliance.
I had a crash course in surrender this past month. I flew to Manitoba to help my mom move from a sprawling 5-bedroom bungalow that she had inhabited for 37 years to a cozy one-bedroom condo. We had 10 days to sort through everything, empty the house, buy some new furniture, settle her into her new home, and put the house up for sale. It was a daunting task, even with a competent team (my sister and her husband were tireless, patient workers and my brother and his wife showed up just when we needed to kick things into high gear). I love moving and have done my fair share of it, but as I drew up the list of things to be done each day, I knew we were in over our heads.
Each morning when I awoke, I lay in bed and surrendered the day to God. Honestly, it was a bit of a coping mechanism because the burden of the task was so overwhelming. And each morning I felt God's reassurance that if I just raised my sail (put all my plans, abilities, and efforts at his disposal) and let the wind of the Spirit carry me along, I would be amazed at what was accomplished. And so it was.
Some things took much longer than we anticipated (medical appointments and shopping for new appliances and furniture) but other things went so much faster. I had booked the movers for Wednesday, late afternoon. They called me on Tuesday morning and asked if they could move us a day early. I hesitated a moment, knowing we were far from ready for a moving truck to pull up to the door. Then I remembered my morning prayer, said Yes, and raised my sail high. And the wind of the Spirit blew and somehow we managed to get all of the necessary items on that moving truck.
I had contacted a real estate agent as soon as I arrived, hoping to get a jump start on the sale of the house, but members of my family requested that we put the process on hold for a bit. Breathe deep. Surrender. Six days later, I was given the go-ahead to list the house. The real estate agent came over on Friday afternoon, and because we were so much further along in emptying out the house, it photographed beautifully. There were to be no showings until Monday, giving us the weekend to finish cleaning things out. At 7:45 am on Monday, I received a text. There were 4 showings scheduled and the first one was at 10 am. I was tempted to panic, but I took a moment to pray my morning prayer of surrender and raised my sail once again. We cleaned and packed and loaded as much as we could into cars, then left just as the first potential buyer pulled up. We returned in-between showings to clear out the last of the stuff, and at 4 pm that afternoon, I sold the final piece of furniture. At 6 pm, my mom was presented with 4 offers, 3 of which were over the asking price. She accepted the one which was the best fit for her and, immediately after that, I threw my bags in a car and headed off to Winnipeg so that I could catch my flight home the next morning.
I look back at those 10 days (actually, we only worked 9 of them, taking Sunday off) and shake my head. How did that all happen? I went in with a plan, a list, even a scale drawing. I hoped we would manage to leave only a few things undone. I never imagined that we would accomplish everything on the list plus have time for two family get-togethers, meetings with old friends, a few sunset walks, and simple homemade meals coloured by laughter and reminiscing. It is true that we worked long hours, but what was accomplished was so much more than the totality of our efforts. We were carried along by a wind so much stronger than any of us. Each morning we surrendered the day and its tasks to God. And each evening, we were amazed at what had been accomplished. It actually made me a bit giddy (like any good sailboat ride does).
After I came home, I noticed that I, too, was changed. The crash course in surrender had left me with some tangible results. Instead of trying to manage things in my church community (isn't that what pastors are supposed to do?), I found myself surrendering people and situations to God and trusting that the Spirit would move us all in a good direction. I found myself less concerned with making things happen (career-wise) and more content to trust that my efforts, bathed in prayer, were truly enough. I had little need to see measurable progress in situations I was working on and didn't need definitive closure on points of tension between people. Instead, I trusted that God's Spirit was always at work. My job was not to push the wind (if you have ever tried it, it doesn't work), but to be responsive to the Spirit.
It is a freeing thing to practice surrender. The pressure to perform, to make things happen, to hit certain milestones, diminishes. I still try to do my best, but the angst over how everything will turn out has been quieted. Instead of focusing on getting certain results, I am becoming mindful of the need to remain humble, to be truthful and honest with myself and with others, to keep my heart soft and my mind open, and to practice trust through patience. At the end of the day, I know that I cannot make anything happen. But I can put up my sail and wait for the wind of the Spirit.
Image from BoatUS
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