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No secret




Dean and I celebrated 25 years of marriage yesterday. We spent the day doing things that we love. I requested a trip to the zoo. Dean wanted to go to the planetarium. And we ended the evening with a ride in a limo to a nice Italian restaurant in the exchange district of Winnipeg. A great, fun day!

What is the secret of a good marriage? Let me offer a few ideas on the subject.

1. There is no secret. It is a lot of love, mutual submission, commitment, and honesty in the same direction. And there can be no secrets between you.

2. Be good friends. In fact, be great friends! Passion comes and goes (especially in stressful or busy times) but friends can always enjoy a good laugh or commiserate over a drink.

3. Don't expect a fairy tale. Dirty clothes will end up on the floor. Bodily emissions will happen (some don't smell all that great). These are all part of a shared life. Enjoy the intimacy they reveal.

4. Always honour the other person. When you find yourself complaining about the other, stop. It doesn't lead anywhere good. Communicate instead. Don't offer private or embarrassing information about the other, not even for a laugh.

5. Affirm the things you want to grow: affection, compassion, spontaneous expressions of love, and preferring one other. Starve the things that drive a wedge between you: resentment, complaints, jealousy, perfectionism, silence, avoidance, etc.

6. Go on regular dates. Sit close. Kiss. Talk over drinks. Hold hands. Exchange glances across a crowded room. Never forget to say those words which we never tire of hearing: I love you, you are beautiful, I like being with you, you are so good at ...

Dean is pretty much the best thing that ever happened to me. And he keeps happening every day!!

Photo: the lion and lioness at the zoo. Great apart. Even better together.

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