When I ask people what love is, they very often mention the
list of characteristics found in 1 Corinthians 13. You know how it goes: love
is patient, love is kind… Lately, I have been thinking about these two particular
adjectives at the beginning of this description of love. One reason for this is
because I find it hard to remember what comes next, so I keep repeating “love
is patient, love is kind” with the hope that my memory will eventually start
functioning. But I also wonder if their placement next to each other might be
intentional, if they are connected in some way. Perhaps our understanding of
love loses something when we dissect its characteristics into singular,
separate ideas. What happens when we join patience with kindness?
The word translated “patient” is makrothymei in Greek. It has two parts to it: the idea of length or
slowness and the concept of suffering or anger. The word is sometimes
translated as longsuffering or slow to anger. Here are a few examples
of how it is used in the Scriptures.
It makes an appearance in another familiar list, one which describes
the result of living by the Spirit of Jesus: “… the fruit of the Spirit is
love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and
self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23). Notice that once again patience and kindness
are positioned next to each other.
In a letter to the early church which was eagerly awaiting
the coming of Jesus in triumphant glory, we read: “The Lord is not slow about
his promise, as some think of slowness, but is patient with you, not wanting
any to perish, but all to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9). Here, patience is
related to life.
In the Hebrew Bible, the word arek conveys the idea of patience or longsuffering. When YHWH is
giving Moses the laws of the covenant, setting out a new way of living which
reflects the nature and character of the God who delivered the Hebrews from
slavery, we read: “And [the Lord] passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, ‘The
Lord, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in
love and faithfulness… ‘” (Exodus 34:5-6). In this instance, patience is connected to an abundance
of love.
Let’s take a look at the word kind. In Greek, it is chresteuetai
and means considerate, helpful, loving, full of service. Kindness is a gift, given
without regard for worthiness or unworthiness. In the letter from Paul to
Titus, we read: “At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and
enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy,
being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our
Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but
because of his mercy” (Titus 3: 4-5).
Jesus spoke about the source of kindness: “If you love those
who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love
them. … But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return.
Your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is
kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is
merciful” (Luke 6:35-36).
When considering what it looks like for patience (longsuffering)
and kindness to bump up against each other, two scenarios come to mind. The
first is a mother in labour. I asked some young mothers to recount their
experiences of labour in terms of length and suffering. They mentioned losing
track of time, time feeling compressed and/or elongated, and the last part of
the pregnancy feeling like it would never end. In terms of pain and suffering, the pain was
said to be intense, especially if the labour was short. Some said it felt like
too much to bear. Others likened their experience to their insides being ripped
out or bones coming out of joint. And yet, immediately after this intense
suffering, these mothers looked with kindness on the tiny human being who had
caused them such pain. There was no thought of vengeance; only concern for the
baby’s well-being. Though grimacing only moments before, they had nothing but
smiles for the child. Inexplicably, longsuffering was immediately followed by
kindness.
The second scenario where we see patience and kindness in
close proximity is the familiar story of the lost son and the patient father
told by Jesus in Luke 15. Once again, we see kindness as a gift, a difficult act
of mercy, given even to those who cause pain, to those who cause
others to walk the road of longsuffering.
The descriptor “prodigal” is most often applied to the
wayward son in this parable. Prodigal means wastefully extravagant, giving on a
lavish scale. While the younger son was certainly wasteful, the father is the most
extravagant character in this story, generously heaping gifts on his
undeserving son.
From the beginning, the son seems interested only in his own
exploits. There is no concern for his father’s well-being; he can’t wait for
him to be dead (literally) so he can get his inheritance. The son decides to
leave home even though he is very much needed on the family farm. The son
squanders all his riches in lavish living. Only when he reaches an impoverished,
desperate state does he think of his father. He returns home a beggar, hoping for
mercy, willing to be a servant instead of a son.
The father has waited long, perhaps years, for his son to
return. The father has suffered like only a parent can, not knowing if his son is
alive or dead. The father has also endured the pain of having a son who does not
respect him, a son who would rather be with faithless friends than in the presence
of his devoted father. And yet, the father’s first response upon seeing his wayward
son is not a reprimand. He makes no demand for a reckoning of the young man’s
whereabouts or his wealth, no exclamation of disappointment is uttered. The
father’s longsuffering is immediately followed by kindness. Love is patient,
love is kind.
My tendency is to follow longsuffering with a session of whining
and complaint. I want others to know what I have been through. I especially want
to make the offender, the one who caused me pain, aware of the consequences of
their actions. Only then am I ready to move toward offering kindness. My version
of 1 Corinthians 13 might read: love is patient, love demands justice, and then
love is kind. But a mother does not give her newborn baby a lecture about how
much pain and suffering the child has caused; there is immediate and
unconditional kindness. Likewise, when the prodigal father meets his lost son, he does not stand with hands on hips, lips pursed, questioning the son
about his financial fumbles. Instead, he embraces him and showers him
more riches! Is this irresponsible parenting? No, it is what love does.
A quick side note: of course, there is a place for implementing good boundaries and teaching someone about the consequences of their actions, but that is not the first thing a new mother teaches her child. Nor is it the first response of a father welcoming home a wayward child. These lessons come later. Love comes first.
Love suffers long and quickly morphs into kindness, even
while the suffering is still ongoing. There is no pause for righteous
indignation, for judgment, for a well-deserved scolding, or a period of
complaining and venting. Love has no time for self-indulgence or
self-justification. It is only concerned with helping the other, even if it is
the person who has caused the lover protracted pain and elongated suffering.
I must admit that I am mostly a stranger to this close pairing
of patience and kindness. In my life, there is often a significant gap between experiencing
pain and engaging in loving service. It makes me all the more aware that I am a
blessed recipient of the longsuffering kindness of God the labouring mother and
God the prodigal father. May it never be said of us: “You neglected the Rock
who had fathered you; you forgot the God who had given you birth“ (Deut. 32:18).
Since we live in the gracious and patient kindness of God every day, let us practice being patient and being kind with each other.
------------------
Artist: Bright Dankyi Mensah. Image from www.novica.com.
Comments